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[04 Feb 2007|12:06am] I needed to reach out to someone who no longer reached out for me. And though I did not find you, my mind is at ease. There are moments when I wish I could hear your voice, hear those words, read those letters, so perfect and pure and full of love. Love for me. But my mind is at ease. I know where all those moments rest. I return to them and come back. I weave back and forth between the past and the present. I smile. But that is all that's left. post comment

[22 Nov 2006|12:49am] Alan Beaudean, let's go watch Just My Luck. post comment

[28 Oct 2006|08:34pm] Sometimes I think the world contains too much for me to bear. Sometimes I can't tell the difference between reality and reality. It is so much. So much sadness and so much hurt. So much death and illness and pain and poverty. So much beauty and so much hope. So much excitement and so many hidden joys. My heart dies and revives so many times daily. What do we do with any of this? With all of this silliness and all the secret things within our hearts? All of our silent anxieties and pains and hopes. What do I do with any of it? post comment

[17 Oct 2006|11:01pm] I miss you already. My love and my hate for you, my sorrow and sympathy, my disdain and my need to feel accepted by your streets. I miss all of this. post comment

[10 Sep 2006|04:14pm] I don't remember the last time I felt so helpless. I am so afraid of failing. I am on the verge of crying without stopping. This has triggered a series of thoughts about the things in my life that I wish were different, about the person that I wish I was but am not, about the things I had hoped to accomplish but did not. Everything everything everything feels so wrong. post comment

[07 Aug 2006|05:17pm] Sometimes I worry that I perceive the world in a way that is much too different from how it really is. How will I ever know? post comment

[28 Jul 2006|09:37pm] Perhaps this has all been self inflicted. post comment

[20 Jul 2006|11:24pm] As a kid I would have dreams that I was holding really small object that would get larger and larger and then small again. I would wake up form these dreams restless and afraid to go back to sleep. Tonight I realized that what I dreamt of feels a lot like a kneaded eraser. I tear the eraser to pieces and use a small blob of it to erase. Then I join the small piece to its remains and erase with the large blob. And on and on and on. My nightmare has become a reality. post comment

[16 Jun 2006|09:36pm] I cannot read my emails from the washington post. They are collecting in my inbox and I let them remain; a reminder of my ignorance and refusal to know anything about the state of the world. I worry about Iran and Iraq and the president insulting the blind. I worry about the 2008 election and politicians already beginning to feed us lines. I worry about my vote and Hillary Rodham Clinton running for president. I am exhausted. post comment

[11 Jun 2006|12:49am] Who here is physically exhausted? MEMEME post comment

[07 Jun 2006|08:14pm] My brother is flying across the ocean at this very moment. Oh, Atlantic! post comment

[06 Jun 2006|11:22pm] I wonder if this is going anywhere. I get so caught up with school and plans and the lives everyone else is leading. But I wonder if my life is going anywhere. Am I living the life I want to lead? Sometimes it seems like this question is meaningless. It does not matter that I am unhappy, frustrated, unexcited. What matters is that I am rational, dependable, what matters is that I am here. I wonder if hours of drawing with my hands and sitting in front of a computer will ever make me happy. If I will look at my life and think, "Good." Or if I will look back on my life as a series of errors and years wasted trying to do what was rational and easy. post comment

[06 May 2006|09:08pm] Sometimes snapshots of my childhood come to mind. Like an old coloring book and the most beautiful coloring job I have ever seen. Being in a cabin with my entire family. Snow. Yellow ground and the beginnings of houses. Most of the time I have no idea where these memories took place or if I could recognize these places if I were to go back to them. Sometimes I am not even sure if these memories are real. But I come back to them again and again. post comment

[26 Apr 2006|12:29am] gaaaaaaaaaaaaaah post comment

[23 Apr 2006|01:18am] Beautiful Divine Mercy Sunday. I wish every Sunday could be just so. I wish the world could be just so. post comment

[22 Apr 2006|02:33pm] I wonder if it all has been leading up to this. This great change in my life between me and everyone around me. These great distances filled with love and happiness and sadness and this sense of continually missing the people that only grow further and further away from me. post comment

[16 Apr 2006|08:44pm] For future reference, I HATE BIOLOGY. Arthropods and annelids, cnidrians I hate you all. Yes, even you Rotifers. post comment

[13 Mar 2006|07:31pm] I love driving with the windows down and the music loud enough to drown out my own voice. Singing so loud my voice cracks and pretending I'm the only driver out on the street. post comment

[28 Feb 2006|11:23pm] I hope you are everything my heart knows you to be post comment

[16 Feb 2006|11:44pm] I have an urge to emit this strange sound from my mouth. It is like a moan/sigh/scream. I can hear it in my head GAAAAAAAAAAHHHH. I just can't let it out. This is my permanent state of being: GAAAAHH post comment

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